


a safe landing

by vierqote (counterserum)



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: F/F, Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood Spoilers, Implied Sexual Content, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22367653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/counterserum/pseuds/vierqote
Summary: “You fear another incident.”It is not a question, and the tired resignation in the Admiral’s eyes tells Raisa she knows, that she is still sorry she was left behind when this whole mess started, but she does not need or want another apology.“I know there will be another, it is how things are.”(Post The Royal Menagerie)
Relationships: Merlwyb Bloefhiswyn/Warrior of Light
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	a safe landing

**Author's Note:**

> I finished Stormblood recently and wanted to write a short fic focusing on Raisa and Merlwyb's relationship around that time. This takes place shortly after the events of The Royal Menagerie, and has a lot of implied content / references to stuff I've written / talked about on Discord and roleplayed without posting here.
> 
> There are certain parts of canon that Raisa has participated in, and other parts another character of mine did, so it's kind of a mess dkjshfdskj

“ _That’s what love does,_

_It chases the dragons away_

_before their claws can sink in”_

Sharp Teeth, Toby Barlow

**a safe landing**

* * *

**S** he wakes from a copper-scented nightmare, the sensation of Shinryu’s throat in her (in _their_ ) teeth still fresh. The pleasant weight of her lover’s arm, pulling her back against the warmth and solidness of a familiar body helps Raisa tear away from the bloody visage of Zenos yae Galvus. 

_It is a victory, but it sure as hells doesn’t feel like one_ , she squirms and twists, turning until she can nuzzle into Merlwyb’s throat. _Why was he smiling?_

Her heart is pounding so hard she fears she may be ill, and she clings tighter to the sleeping Admiral. It is tempting to reach within her aether and call for Bahamut, to seek counsel and reassurance of their success, but she is so, _so_ tired and cannot keep her focus.

Experience tells her that this is not the end, that - even if Zenos is gone and his forces dismantled - Varis yet lives and will retaliate to reclaim the territories he considers his own. She has met the son, and wonders what kind of a father made such a beast.

Raisa thinks of Ilberd and Raubhan, of Teledji and Nanamo, of Estinien and Nidhogg and Ysayle, and of Papalymo, of Louisoix: all victims of complacency, of _her complacency_. 

She does not want to remember Carteneau, but when she closes her eyes and tries to take in Merlwyb’s scent (salt, sweat, gunpowder), Dalamud bursts before her eyes in a brilliant display. The cheers outside the tent sound more like screams, and it takes every onze of restraint for her not to tear away from the comfort of a loving embrace to shout some sense into the celebrating soldiers. 

They have every right to be happy, they fought and bled and died for this, after all. But still she is not satisfied.

When it becomes too much, Raisa has to slip free from Merlwyb’s arms and sit on the edge of the cot. The roegadyn grumbles and protests, reaching for her, but she needs a moment to reflect alone.

“Come here,” Merlwyb says, awoken by Raisa’s tossing and turning. “You need to rest.”

Raisa glances over her shoulder and almost flinches from the concerned look she is given. She shrugs and draws her knees up to her chest, repressing a shiver. “I’m fine, you’re fussing again.”

The Admiral rolls her eyes, but sits up so she can be closer to the younger woman, leaning in to nuzzle Raisa’s good ear. “I do not recall you protesting so when I _fussed_ over you last night, my love.”

Her face heats up and she flicks the tip of her tail in response. “That’s - that was different. I don’t expect to be given a pass to lounge in your bed all day, not when there is so much left to - ”

She fumbles over her words, gives up, and allows herself to fall back against Merlwyb. Calloused fingers rub over the base of her ears affectionately, and she feels a gentle kiss press to the top of her head. “ - these celebrations don’t sit right with me,” Raisa admits, closing her eyes as Merlwyb strokes the back of her neck, pushing aside her long, dark hair so she can sneak another kiss or two in. “Ala Mhigo is free, for now. For _now_. But I cannot sit idle, not again.”

Merlwyb frowns against her skin and grasps her waist with one hand, gently tugging at Raisa until she complies and turns, crawling back into the roegadyn’s lap. “You fear another incident.” 

It is not a question, and the tired resignation in the Admiral’s eyes tells Raisa she _knows_ , that she is still sorry she was left behind when this whole mess started, but she does not need or want another apology.

“I know there will be another, it is how things are.”

Merlwyb used to try and silence her fears when she spoke like this, would kiss her and pin her to the nearest stable surface and distract - never speak. She can tell her lover would prefer to roll her over and bury her face between her thighs until she was left breathless and incapable of voicing her dark thoughts, but is gently surprised by the fingers entwining with her own instead.

A pale thumb brushes over the band on her ring finger, posing a silent question beneath Merlwyb’s spoken thoughts. “And what would reassure you of the Maelstrom’s,” She pauses, frowns, and shakes her head. “Of _my_ support, of my loyalty?”

She lifts her hand to the roegadyn’s cheek, and leaves it there. “Are you afraid I’ll flee again?”

Silver eyes meet crimson, where they stare at each other for but a moment before Merlwyb closes hers and nods, leaning into Raisa’s palm. She hums and grasps her lover’s face with both hands, tugging her down a bit so she can kiss her chin, her forehead, her nose, her lips.

It is strange to hear Merlwyb’s small gasp, but not unwelcome in the slightest. Raisa closes her own eyes and tries not to picture Dalamud, or Nidhogg, or Zenos, instead drawing a more pleasant image to mind, of _her Admiral_ drawing her behind a tree in Nophica’s Altar to steal a kiss before sending her off, of the smile she is given when they part and the warmth of the sun shining down on them through the canopy above.

“I’ll always come back,” She says, mirroring words she spoke five years prior. “You know I will.”

Merlwyb begins to protest this time, but Raisa stops her with another kiss. “I am not going anywhere _now_ ,” The Warrior of Light says, firmly. “But I am not going to be complacent ever again. I cannot be, not after everything.”

She sits back and toys with the ring on her finger, suddenly glad Bahamut is not conscious within her soul to witness any of this. It feels strangely intimate, strangely private, to speak like this with another - with Merlwyb of all people. Raisa opens her eyes and looks away, feeling her whiskers twitch.

The silence weighs heavy between them, and she half expects Merlwyb to pull away, to be done with this, but is surprised with a hand on her cheek. It is a little awkward, affection does not come easy to either of them, but Merlwyb merely hums and tilts her head so their eyes can meet once more.

“I will not ask you to be complacent,” She says, low and gentle. “I ask you to tell me what _you need from me_ before you run off again.”

Her hold on Raisa tightens briefly, before relaxing once more. “I will not try to stop you, should you feel the need to run, but I would much rather give you a safe place to return when you are ready.” She sighs and lays back against the hard cot, staring up at the ceiling of the tent with some kind of longing. “Know I far too well the pull of something greater than to deny you your right to keep going, to fight.”

“Still, though. I am selfish, I wish you would not.”

Raisa crawls atop Merlwyb and shrugs. “I did not start this war, I cannot finish it, but I will be damned if I leave you or anyone else I love vulnerable because I chose to walk away from it.” She pauses, then lays down against her lover’s chest. “For what it’s worth, I think all I need is the reassurance that there is something there for me when I can no longer fight. I do not have a home in Sharlayan anymore, I do not want to make a home in Ishgard or Othard, I just want - ”

“I want to return to you, whenever that may be. I felt at ease with you, all those years ago, I want to feel that again with you someday.”

Merlwyb does not say anything, but the grip on Raisa’s waist is almost bruising as she is pulled closer, with both of the Admiral’s arms wound tightly around her. She suspects that this is as much talking as they will manage this time when she leans up to kiss Merlwyb and is rolled onto her back, one hand already trailing down her belly to rest between her thighs.

Her fears do not leave her, even as she cries her lover’s name and claws at the rough blankets, but there is something better nestling between each frantic beat of her heart. She loves Merlwyb, she always has, always will, but has always feared the inevitable loss or calamity that seems to follow in her wake.

When Merlwyb lays against her and breathes her own, rough “ _I love you_ ” into Raisa’s good ear, she laughs and clings tighter to her.

She cannot ask for grand gestures or shows of support, but she can have a home with Merlwyb, and that is - mayhap - all she wants.

When she sleeps again, she does not dream of crushing Shinryu’s throat in their teeth, or of Zenos laying still amidst a bed of bloodied flowers, or of the moon falling and shattering over a field of fire, or of her mentor fading into oblivion as she draws her last apology into her soul, but of the salt air of Vylbrand and the warm embrace of the woman that gave it to her.


End file.
